*One Year*

A year. A year passes so quickly. So many things can happen in a year. And then you think back to a moment a year ago that changed your life and you realize that a year can feel like yesterday while feeling like an eternity at the same time.

A year ago today the bottom fell out of my boat. A year ago today, my sisters and I became members of the “Dead Dad’s Club” and my Mom was alone for the first time in more than 45 years.

My Dad was always healthy when I was growing up. I only remember him being home sick from work a few times. He was a healthy guy.

Until the Christmas of 2004 when he ended up in the E.R. What sent him there, we found out later, was an infection and gall stones. But in diagnosing this, they discovered he had liver cancer. Apparently it’s quite rare for someone to have liver cancer as a primary cancer, but that’s what Dad had. In April 2005, Dad had his liver resected, needed no follow up treatment for the cancer and life went on.

Until July 2005…. we got another phone call… Dad was in the hospital with Congestive Heart Failure. He spent about a month in the hospital waiting for valve replacement surgery and recuperating. He healed well, was on a tonne of meds and was moving a little slower, but life went on.

Until April 2006. Mom and Dad traveled from Regina to Calgary for Easter. They went home on April 18th and I remember feeling like my heart had been ripped out as I watched them walk away through security at the airport. I was depressed like you wouldn’t believe. Something just wasn’t right. On the morning of April 26th, I was in tears and Bruce said I should call him, just to let him know I loved him. I thought I’d do it later in the day as it was still early and I didn’t want to wake him and Mom. I went to the gym and came home to a ringing phone. It was Mom… Dad was just taken by ambulance to the E.R…. the word was “stroke”.

My older sister and her daughter arrived at the Regina airport about an hour after I did the next day and we went straight to the hospital. Dad had had surgery the night before to try to alleviate the pressure in his brain and to stop the bleeding.

We spent the next 8 days back and forth to the surgical ICU. Hours sitting in the waiting room to be able to go in and see Dad for a few minutes. For the first few days, we held out a lot of hope. Then we were “guardedly optimistic”…. hoping he would wake up, but fearing the damage that was being done. And on May 3rd my sister and I were the first to go into his room and we knew something was wrong. It was if he was already gone, even though there were machines that were helping to keep him alive. It seems like the nurses knew too… instead of 2 of us allowed in the room, all of us were there… Mom, Heather, Sandra and Tim and I. We were sure that he wouldn't make the night...

But he did. We were all surprised. We went in to see him on the 4th and again, we weren't limited in our visits. We left in the mid afternoon and made the decision that it was time to let Dad go. They started to unhook Dad from all the machines somewhere after 6:30… we were there with him, we said good bye. Mom and I couldn’t stay in the room, but Heather and Sandra both wanted to stay with Dad. Dad was gone in minutes. And when we went back to his room after it was all over, it was so silent. No machines, no dings, no nothing. Silence. And peace.

And he was gone.

My Dad was 74 years old…. And was the greatest Dad I could have asked for. He wasn’t perfect, but he was my Dad. I miss so much about him…. His whistling… the twinkle in his eyes….hearing him call me (and my sisters and nieces) “Babe”.... hearing him call my sons “Guy”.

Growing up, I was Daddy’s little girl. I think he had hoped that this third child would be a boy, but alas, he had all girls. I did a lot of stuff with Dad. We played catch with a softball and our gloves in the summer. We rode our bikes together. We cross country skied. He taught me to drive. We played cards. We’d watch Days of our Lives together on his days off.

He loved his grandbabies so much… all five of them…. When the kids were babies, Dad would often have them entertained and happy. He’d have their diapers changed before anyone even knew they needed it.

A year. It can go by so quickly. But the memories make it seem like it was yesterday.

If tears could build a stairway
And memories were a lane
We would walk right up to heaven
And bring you back again

No farewell words were spoken
No time to say goodbye
You were gone before we knew it
And only God knows why

Our hearts still ache in sadness
And secret tears still flow
What it meant to lose you
No one can ever know

But now we know you want us
To mourn for you no more
To remember all the happy times
Life still has much in store

Since you'll never be forgotten
We pledge to you today
A hallowed place within our hearts
Is where you'll always stay.

author unknown

**Lovingly remembered and sadly missed by Bev, Heather, Rachael, Sandra, Tim, Casey, Ali, Nancy, Bruce, Alex & Matthew

I love you Dad